The Mean Man's Party
吝嗇鬼的聚會
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開?！?BR> “為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“天哪！” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧？”
Talking clock
會說話的鐘
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意?！澳莻€大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他?！澳峭嬉鈨簠柡α耍鞘且粋€會說話的鐘”，學生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問?！翱粗瑒e眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘了！”
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Snake Talk
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous snakes?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we're poisonous! We're rattlesnakes(響尾蛇). Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."
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林肯過生日 Great Event
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
老師：1809年發生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亞伯拉罕-林肯誕生。
老師：正確。那么1812年發生了什么重要事件呢？
小威利：亞伯拉罕-林肯過他的三周歲生日。
那就更糟了 Much Worse
Much Worse
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文：
警察：有人搶你的手表時，你為什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。
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